I'm only human...

Between the stress of work, school, and any other excuse I could find, I stopped working out. Gained 10lb.

I wanted to start running again, and did for a bit, but then we kept getting rain, rain and more rain. It sincerely felt like the world was telling me to give up. In reality, it was just me and my poor excuses. Something my dear boyfriend often reminds me...excuses are like bums, they stink and everyone has one. I have a million.

I'm scared.

I'm stressed.

I just took on two doubles at work. I deserve a break.

I just took an exam. I deserve a break.

I don't have enough time in the morning to fit in a workout and I'm too tired from work at the end of the day.

There's not enough room anywhere in my house to comfortably do P90X away from prying eyes.

I don't want to people to see me jiggle in public working out.

I breathe crazy loud and get super red in the face when I run, it's embarrassing.

I need to laundry first.

The house is dirty and needs cleaning first.

My boobs are so big that it hurts to exercise, and I've never found a decent sports bra to help.

It's too hot.

It's too cold.

It's raining.

My tummy aches.

I just ate. Time to rest and digest.

But I already took a shower today. I don't want to get all stinky again.

See? The list can go on for miles. I'm still working through all my excuses and trying to come to terms with WHY I have such a difficult time committing to fitness. I used to be an amazing athlete. I used to weigh 120. I'm teetering towards 160 now. Seriously! I'm not okay with this. For a few months there I was 145, and I felt great! But then those excuses crept back into my life.

Today I'm starting P90X again. From the beginning, and I'm going to keep a thorough record of my progress. How many reps I can do, what my true weakness are, where my strength lies. I need to focus on the negative and positive. I need to push myself this time. Truly push myself. Boyfriend was also very right in telling me (and I can't believe I'm actually going to publicly admit this- Chris, enjoy this moment) I give up way too easily. I barely push myself past my limit, if I get to my limit at all. This needs to change.

I'm not giving up, I just fell into a rut. I'm only human, but the great thing about that is I possess the ability to change that rut. I am human, I can do this.

I also need to become honest with myself that it's perfectly alright to look like this when you run: 

At least you're running.

Restart weight: 155